Dreaming is an interesting concept don’t you think? You just kind of, sit around and think up stuff. You let your imagination run wild… where will you be one day? What will life look like? Will that travel Pinterest board with beautiful and exotic places on ever materialize? You imagine yourself sitting in coffee shops in France, staring out a window, deep in thought while the music plays in the background… kind of like in the movies right?

Maybe it’s just me.

I AM A DREAMER

I like to think of myself as a dreamer. This wasn’t a title I would give myself a little while ago, but recently I realised, I most certainly am. The day to day things of life seem exceptionally boring when I think of where I would rather be. When I think of what I would rather be doing.

Dreaming feels dangerous though. It feels like something that can mess with your head, more than it can have any benefit. I mean, what benefit is there in looking to what seems impossible? I often end up bumming myself out more than anything. The more I dream, the more my perceived reality comes knocking on my door. And the knocking usually sounds like: “you’ll never have money for that.” “People like you don’t do things like that.” Or just a straight forward, “stay in your lane girl, it’s never going to happen.” Slowly but surely it feels like the dream that once brought you alive, is slowly dying.

I can go from floating around with my head in the clouds to crashing down in a pit of despair pretty quickly. The extremes of the dreamer.

I’ve come to realise that I have been living in the pit of despair for a while now. I stopped dreaming and honestly, didn’t even know if it was really worth it to try. The last few years were so challenging, and there was such a constant dying to self, a constant serving of other people’s dreams that it just didn’t feel like mine was relevant anymore. People stopped asking me about mine, and I stopped telling them too. Dreaming hurts when everything feels impossible. It hurts when you’ve failed so many times. So eventually, you just kind of… stop.

HEALED

I heard something said recently in a Bible study I did about dreaming big that made me stop and think:

“When we’re hurt or in pain, we stop dreaming.”

Havilah Cunnington

It was a lightbulb moment for me. I stopped dreaming, because I was in pain. The last few years have been achy and painful. Disappointments, offences and deep hurts were the name of the game and the pruning shears were out, cutting off everything that wasn’t bearing fruit anymore.

It’s hard to dream when your heart is wounded.

The reason this woke me up, wasn’t because I am still wounded and in need of healing. It’s because the pain of the past is actually a thing of the past. Why am I not dreaming?? I am walking around as if I’m still wounded, but God has done the work, with many prophetic words to confirm and affirm it. It’s time to dream again.

THE DREAM IS ALIVE

Towards the end of last year, I unassumingly attending a regular Wednesday night at my small group. We were having some fun, playing some games, when things suddenly took a deeper turn. The night ended with some time just connecting with the Lord. We put some music on and the intention was to hear from God. Either for the group, or for an individual. I ended up getting a word for a dear friend of mine, and she got one for me.

Before she gave me the word, she asked me a simple question: “Lelané, what is your dream?”

The question shook me a little. There were a few other people in the room and to be honest, I am normally the one that asks the questions. It’s not often that they get reflected back on me.

Fear and nerves suddenly overwhelmed me. In a moment I realised just how afraid I had become to dream. Think about it… that dream in your heart of hearts. That thing that you long for, that seems so unreasonable and impossible, it’s hard to admit to yourself that you want it sometimes, nevermind other people.

The moment was so necessary though. Through a stutter and much fidgeting and discomfort, I confessed my dream. Which I will now confess to you too: to be a teacher of God’s word and to impart His heart to others. That’s why this platform exists, it’s why I make YouTube videos… it’s the why behind everything that happens here. It’s the ‘why’ I struggle to admit to myself and others, because it feels so far beyond me and my abilities. I am afraid, and I didn’t realise how afraid until she asked.

Her response to that was: “okay… I asked you, because I feel God wanted me to say to you, that your dream isn’t dead, it’s still alive.”

Cue the tears of course.

EXCEEDINGLY AND ABUNDANTLY

Why am I telling you this? What does my dream have to do with you and why should you care? Well, in all honesty, you really don’t have to. The reason I’m telling you this, is because I really feel in my heart that as much as this is my word, it’s a word for many in this season of life.

The dream is still alive. The career you dream of, the husband you pray for, the family that seems so far away. The ministry, the career, the adventures… all of it. The dream is alive.

I want you to take a moment and think about your own dream-life. Do you find it easy to dream with God? When you read scriptures like Ephesians 3:20 where Paul writes that God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or think… how do you feel? Is it one of those wonderful ideas in theory, but realistically, we can probably think up all God has for us. In fact, maybe you think that what you’re asking for might be a bit too excessive?

If you are finding it hard to dream, it might be time to do a deep dive with the Lord. It’s possible that some hurts or disappointments have crept into your heart, making it difficult to dream. I know for myself, it was very difficult to try and think of the future when the present hurt so much.

IT’S OKAY TO NEED A MINUTE

Dear friend, you must know… that if you are in a space where the present is all you can think about because there is just so much to deal with, that is absolutely okay. There are times and seasons for everything. Just know, that even now, in the space you’re in, God still has many many dreams for you. And they are all bigger and more amazing than you can think or imagine.

Take your time, walk closely with Jesus and pay close attention to when the season changes.

TO THE DREAMER

For the one who needs to close their eyes and sit with Jesus to dream again, I feel you. Sometimes you get so stuck in the hurt that it feels weird to want to move anymore. I find myself suspicious of the fact that I get to dream and move again. Waiting for the next bomb to drop that puts everything on hold again.

That’s not Kingdom thinking though, and it’s not how a son or a daughter thinks of their Father’s intention. God’s intention has never been to delay or to make dreaming hard for me. He is the one that places the real God-dreams in our hearts. That thing that makes you want to get up in the morning, that sets a fire in your belly and gets you ready to do whatever it takes. And within what He calls us to, is what He wants to accomplish too. God is more invested than you are.

Let’s shake off the old, take hold of the new and trust that our God is even better than we think. That His dreams are bigger and that His reality will always trump our reality. Jenn Johnson said it this way: “2+2 doesn’t equal 4 in the Kingdom, it equals whatever God wants it to!”

He took 5 loaves and 2 fish and fed 5000. Bring what you have and see what God can do. At least, that’s what I’m doing. I’m bringing the little bits that I have and letting God do what only He can do. Will you join me? Let’s get excited again. Let us dream again and like children, run to our Dad with open hearts full of expectation, knowing that He is faithful to take us where we need to go.

WHEN DREAMING WITH GOD, REMEMBER:

• Be expectant. Especially if you’re not sure what your God-dream is yet. It’ll be bigger than what you think, and will probably be beyond your own capability. You will definitely need God to do it, which is both the scary and the exciting part.
  
• Don’t dream alone. I know it’s scary and vulnerable to share your heart desires with others, but find your person/people and let them in. Let them carry it with you and remind you about it on the days that you forget.
  
• Dream in your season. If it’s not time to move, then don’t. But pay attention to when it is. Don’t become complacent in the sitting and the waiting, but be expectant that God might change things up at any moment.
  
• Pay attention to wise counsel. It’s always wise to journey with others who can pray with you into what you feel God calling you in to. Think of spiritual mothers and fathers that can cover you when you start to make your moves. If any red flags come up, pause long enough to pray and ask the Lord about it.
  
• Remember God wants your dream more than you do. There’s no pressure to perform or fear that you’ll miss it. If you have your eyes on the Father and you stay in tune with Holy Spirit, you will be just fine.

Are you currently dreaming with the Lord? Does is feel like your dream is still alive? Or are you in a season of waiting… let me know in the comments below.

If you’re struggling with hopelessness and feeling a bit weak, read my blog on Embracing Weakness.